Crossing the Streams

I like to #compartmentalize. I don't like keeping secrets, because secrets kill, but I know that not everyone understands, not everyone believes, and not everyone wants to hear what I've got to say ALL the time, no matter what. (I'd either think you a bit strange or want to marry you, depending on the moon.) As such, I have all sorts of different personas out on the Internet. There's my personal side, my professional side, my family side, my private bedroom side, my health side, my artist side... Lots of little compartments where I can stick all my stuff and not have it overwhelm my audience. Unfortunately, sometimes those streams get crossed, and all the boundaries I set up so nice and neat come crashing down, exposing me to all the world.

To quote Tech N9ne, I'm fragile. I never thought I'd be this way, and in fact tried my best not to be! My father used to constantly tell me "grow a thicker skin!" As an adult, I finally got the chance to snap back, "Be a little more considerate!" We never had that argument again! Lol

It's so difficult to explain to people that while, yes, I do come off bipolar some times, no it is not that (not that there's anything *wrong* with being bipolar, that's just not the right diagnosis). It's my migraines causing hypomania and mini-depressions when my supply of serotonin is flushed from my body. It's difficult to explain that, yes, though my case is unbelievably horrible, that doesn't mean it's fiction, or that I'm exaggerating....

I'm sensitive!! Not just emotionally.... I mean, quite literally, I am extra-sensitive, even more than most folk, at a physical level. I also have, strangely enough, a super high tolerance. So while most people would normally keel over, I'm able to sail on as though nothing is wrong, even though the tests all come back supporting my claims. Once again, I was told that I would not have an abnormal test result. Once again, I did. And not only that, but I was right in thinking I had kidney damage when everyone else was telling me "no way." There are some more tests that need to come back, but on the whole, I *should* be able to move forward with this... But yet again, I'm getting nothing from my doctors.

Does an MD carry with it an allergy to admitting "I was wrong"? I mean, seriously! Science teaches us if the theory doesn't fit the facts, change the THEORY. Don't deny the facts! The cortisol stim test showed an abnormal response. The thyroid tests once again showed an abnormal response. My kidney tests and my salts all showed abnormal results. And I can't get an endocrinologist to return my phone calls.

Understand this: I did not make things this way because it's how I wanted it, but I am certainly going to try to make the best out of a bad situation. It's infuriating how nonchalantly other people can destroy our lives with a simple comment. You wouldn't think that one person's opinion could have that much impact, but given the right circumstances, oh yes it can.

I guess we all make fools of ourselves every once in a while. It's okay to crash & burn, so long as you can recover from it too. I am certainly no exception to that rule!