“What would you do if your dream of a totally pain- and symptom-free life, came true?”
First, I would return to work, no question. I would have the strength to work full time, and do an entire second activity full time, with time left over for a social life. It would be glorious. I would start my own business to serve the invisible disabilities community with this extra time (just because I made it out doesn't mean everyone else has), and I would have the resources from my full-time employment to do so. I'd be able to strengthen ties with my family as well, being able to travel to and attend family reunions. I would be able to "come home for the holidays" again and spend time with my parents while they're still here. I would be able to hold my baby niece and nephew, and even have children of my own.
Without the occasional reminder of how devastating these symptoms are, I would start to forget just how overwhelming and helpless these invisible forces can make our lives. I would forget the dread of knowing Symptoms Are Coming, and how much of a struggle it is to keep afloat of simple tasks. I would slowly forget what it feels like on the inside, and only have vague memories of the problems it caused for me outside. I would still be grateful for every moment, and I would be able to keep calm in the face of great adversity (because nothing in the work world compares to a crippling illness), but the intensity of that gratitude would slowly fade to a consistant joie de vivre. My desire for accomplishment would grow as the long shadow of my disease retreated.
I would know what it feels like to wake up and be excited about what the day has to bring. I would fall asleep confidant that I will be as capable tomorrow as I was today. Fear of people and of economic insecurity would leave me. I would be capable of fulfilling my duties as a daughter, as a sister, as a citizen, and as a member of the human race. I wouldn't fall over just because of a change in the weather.
I could enjoy the rain again.
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