Thursday, September 11, 2014

So much, I don't know what to think!

First, I'd like to thank everyone who has been praying and sending their energy to me and my family. IT WORKED. My father has made a miraculous recovery: his paralysis is gone, he has a few remnants that will require therapy, but his prognosis is good. Beyond that, he has had what I can only describe as a "spiritual awakening" (aka, a "come to Jesus" moment). He told me, "I need to rethink everything!" And yeah, he does. But true to form, the day after he got out of the hospital, he went back to work! (He's self-employed, so mainly it was to let everyone know he was okay...). So, yeah... GREAT news.

And that's not all.

I went to my new endocrinologist and she was AMAZING. She reminded me of Doc Broyles, and she patiently took my story spending over 45 minutes just taking notes and getting my background. She not only believed me, she kept repeating "Your story is consistent, so..." which I can only interpret as, "I don't think your lying, so...". That was so reassuring. Then she apologized for my bad experience at Anschutz and told be that the doctor I encountered can get very defensive when challenged, so I was unknowingly setting her off! Plus, I was informed when she was proven wrong, that probably brought out the worst in her. However, she's apparently an excellent teacher. I was floored.

But wait! There's still more!

She took a thorough background of my estrogen levels and let me know that it should be possible for me to have children! She's willing to support me having a child even with as much trouble as I've had, even with my health risks!!! I went into orbit... the only thing that I know I've wanted to do and be is make a child from my body and be a mother. I had put that beautiful dream under a bell glass and stuck it on a shelf, like a butterfly pinned and put on display: beautiful but impossibly dead. But now... a child of my own...

It's so much, I don't know what to think! I try to, but then I'm just in awe of how amazing it all is. This magnificence is staggering...

So THANK YOU!!! To you, the stars above, and any divine assistance!

I'll try to update soon, but man it is hard to think! lol

Until then, thank you again.

Friday, September 5, 2014

Walking Towards A Future Me

You'll forgive my moment of darkness in my last post. I haven't ever been around wholly supportive environments. If I had healthy friends, it was purely by accident. I don't know what it means to be "unconditionally loved" and I don't say that asking for your pity, simply your understanding... I wouldn't recognize normal and healthy if it bit me on the nose. But this hasn't always been terrible! I know where my home is... I'm just too medically sensitive to it (me + humidity = NO). And I've been feeling like a lonely little petunia in an onion patch for years now... But I do have a tribe, be I far from them. I have been blessed by the strange and the wonderful, and I look forward to joining your ranks again!!

I get to have standards in my life, and I know what to recognize. I can trust my wisdom, and my ability to avoid danger, and beyond that---my Deity takes care of the rest. I have denied myself my true self for far too long. My life may be broken shards, but how else you gonna make a stained-glass window?

[Pause for a brief announcement:]
I'm still in shock, I just got the news. My father's had a stroke and is paralyzed on the right side of his body. His brother is there, tending to him. He's alive and in hospital. I may be silent for a bit...