Friday, June 10, 2011

Passive Suicidal Ideation

That's when you want to die, but you're not going to act on it. Think of any time you've had the flu. It just being over sounds like a sweet option, even if it's one you wouldn't ultimately choose given another option. And though I don't personally believe in suicide for me, I've known too much and seen too much to blame anyone for taking that option. Yes, it can destroy a family. So can a disease. Neither is fair or good, in my opinion. But I don't get to decide these things.

Given the choice of justice or mercy and I'll err on the side of mercy. Success is a horrible teacher. Wisdom comes from mistakes. Mistakes come from bad judgment. Ergo, gotta give folks the opportunity to learn, or as Abe put it, "Let em up easy, boys."

Truth is, live long enough and everyone has skeletons. We all have regrets. The point is to learn from them and do better next time. That isn't always possible, of course. Some wounds don't get forgiven. But it's not the mistakes we make, it's our recovery from them that counts.

So yeah, do I think sometimes death sounds nice? If the pain gets bad enough, absolutely. But I fight each moment to live. Have I prayed for my own death? Sure. But in 'god's' time, not mine. Have I signed a Do Not Recussitate order hoping I would die on the table? In the past, yes. It's been that dark. Not anymore.

So I can't blame. I know the dark places souls go to. There are places where all hope is lost. I want to say that doesn't end things necessarily. I want to encourage everyone to fight on. No one may be able to help us, but that doesn't mean we can't help the people coming after us. There are small battles to be won, even if the war is lost.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you.

    I understand this post completely

    Rach xx