Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Seriously... Y'all are doctors, right?

Good news... my GP pointed out that 1) my kidneys are fine, 2) I'm under half the max daily dose for ibuprofen, 3) my rheumy is using an unrealistically narrow test range for kidney function, and compared with my tests from other doctors, I never had to worry. Yes, folks... these are the fine, upstanding doctors to which I am entrusting my health. With this kind of care, it amazes me how these guys can practice medicine with a straight face. Things have gone from snafu to tarfu, to fubar, to "alright, now it's just funny...". And I've finally gotten to that blessed point where I can say, ya know what? I'm DONE.

I don't care what name these guys want to put on what I have. Who cares??? Just make me functional. Make it so I can work again. Make it so I can trust my body and I can decide what to do with my day rather than having to plan what I do with my day. Give me the physical freedom and reliability to I can work. So I can tell an employer, yes, I can be there from the hours of 9am to 5pm and meet productivity expectations. I don't care what pill you want to throw at it, so long as it works, isn't horribly expensive, and doesn't have unmanageable side effects. Yes, there are consequences to everything, but the consequences right now of me not being able to work are next to catastrophic. I'm on the edge here, and I don't like it.

Make me functional, and I can even afford decent health insurance!! I've got head hunters contacting me now, even though I haven't had my resume up for a year and I haven't worked in nine. It wouldn't be difficult for me to find good paying work, even in this economy. But if I don't have the foundation of my health, I can't tell an employer I can be there. If I can't trust my body, I can't make commitments like that. Employment would change everything for me. I'd be back on the road of life again. I'd be able to save for the future, live responsibly under my own contributions, engage in the fabric of life again. It would turn the world into a place of opportunity.

And yet... for whatever reason... these guys and gals can't get their heads together. I have to laugh, because this is terrifying. There's no way for me to tell at first glance whether or not a doctor knows what they're doing. I have to go to another doctor to find that out. But I can't even trust that doctor, so I have to go to a third... And I can't help but think, do any of y'all know what you're doing?? I heard you all earned degrees and won awards and stuff. Is that all just PR? What's going on here? How is it that I can go to three doctors and end up with four opinions?

And they wonder why I don't believe them when they try and sell me on the idea that they're my savior. Yeah... soon as y'all get your act together, I'll get over these giggle fits.

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