Sunday, July 1, 2012

I'm Working Again!!

Bust out the fanfare and call a parade, I'm working again!! Now, it's not an absolute sure thing. I could collapse under the stress and discover that it's not possible... but right now... oh, things look good! I'm able to control my pain through my medication. No one at work is any the wiser that I have this much going on with me... I got my first paycheck this week. A PAYCHECK!!! It was only a few months ago I was dreaming of having my symptoms managed enough so that I could work, and now... holy cow!!

I didn't think this was possible. I didn't think they had the drugs out there that could take care of my pain and not demolish my mind. They do! I didn't think there was a way to control my nausea without putting me to sleep. There is! I didn't think we could get my migraines to a point where I could work through them. We have! I didn't think there was medication for the neuropathy so that I could be reliable enough to write all day. So far, so good...

I'm pacing myself. I'm taking things slowly and not rushing. I'm being cautious with my body and getting plenty of sleep. Right now all I can do is work and sleep during the weekdays. But that's okay. I get SO much of my life back. I don't have anyone else I need to be awake for during the week, so what does it matter? And as my tolerance for activity builds, who knows??

We still have to battle my autoimmune disease. I need to save up so that I can make it through 4 months of treatment. But holy cow, now I have a way to do that!! I've got 9 months... nine months of training wheels, where I still get my SSDI in case this all suddenly falls apart on me again. I think I'm able to keep my Medicare longer, but who knows with this whole Obamacare...

And I realized today that for the past year, I've been able to shower standing up, and only when I was with migraine or the stomach flu did I resort to sitting in the tub! That's HUGE!! That was things started getting scary for me when I originally got sick---I would get too dizzy in the shower and would risk passing out if I tried to stand. It's been over a decade, and I'm now able to shower like a normal person again!!!

*LOL* Oh, but there is a mountain of debt awaiting me. I'm pretty sure it's about the same price as a house (the whole house, not just the down payment). That is daunting. But thankfully, I have a lawyer in the family who might be able to help me restructure my debt. Oooof... that's a huge problem of success: cleaning up the wreckage of my past!

But now I get to clean up the wreckage of my past! Now I can start to be a responsible citizen again! I need to pace myself in this area too, because trying to do too much too fast can leave me broke. I need to be responsible with my finances, of course. However, now I'm not making a wreck anymore. (So far... training wheels, and we'll see...) I'm a really real adult again! I don't need help. I can accept it if its offered, but I don't need it anymore. I can take care of myself!

At the beginning of this disability I was in so much pain I didn't know how I was going to survive, let alone get back to where I was. There were several times where I almost didn't! That was scary... I was lost, deep in the wilderness of chronic illness. Am I out of the woods? Maybe... signs are pointing to yes...

HURRAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you everyone for your prayers and support during this time. I'm still nervous about my ability to do this, but I know how proud everyone is of me, and for that... bless you. I've felt so worthless and miserable for so long. It's tears of joy now when I choke up. You believe in me, and that means so much. THANK YOU!!

12 comments:

  1. I haven't popped by in awhile, so when I opened my GReader just now I had to come over right away to say that I am SO DELIGHTED to read this, Pam! Huzzah! My cheeks will get stuck like this if I keep grinning for you.

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    1. Aw, thank you!! I'm happy to serve up a nice big dose of perma-grin ;)

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    1. Thank you! We'll see if I can keep it up! I had one crisis of faith week before last, but thankfully a vacation showed up just in time for a much-needed break from my new-old-routine! Going from nothing to full-time again is mind-boggling sometimes!

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  3. Wow - that's great! I wish you the best of luck. As you said, take it slow, and take good care of yourself. Your success is an inspiration.
    Adventures in Anxiety Land

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    1. Thank you! It really was a lot of luck that we found the right combination of pain medications that made me functional again. But I can't tell you how much of a difference it made. From nearly housebound, to back in life again. It's SO awesome!!!

      (Funny how the mind works - I still have bad days where my brain tries to tell me I'm worthless... Argh, stupid brain chemicals!! lol)

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  4. Well congratulations to you! I truly do understand the accomplishment this is for you and I can only imagine how wonderful you feel right now. Take it slow, take it steady, listen to your body and your mind and you know I will be cheerleading you on. And do keep us posted. I will be interested to see how SSDI works with all of this. I have pondered a return to work often but my health kept me from it. I still have hopes that one day my ra will maybe burn out enough to release me back to work. And if your bills are that overwhelming...do consider bankruptcy. It will release you from all debts except student loans. You wouldn't be alone in this road and that is one of the reasons Obamacare was put into place. Medical bills is the number one reason for bankruptcy....unfortunately. And regardless....enjoy your new found freedom! I am singing the Celebrate song for you right now!

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    1. I've talked with my lawyer (dad) and we've got a plan for tackling my debt. I am considering bankruptcy, but I'm going to leave that until last. I'm going to see if I can negotiate settlements first. That usually takes lump-sum settling, though, so I'll have to save up. I'm starting on my Excel spreadsheet as soon as I get statements from them itemizing what they think I owe (interest is going to be negotiated *right* out... they don't get that).

      I have 9 months of work before my SSDI stops and they no longer consider me disabled. We'll see if I last that long, first. Then I won't be a turnip anymore (that they can't get blood out of...). ^_^

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  5. Wow, what wonderful news! I will be praying for you!

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    1. Thank you!! It looks like the prayers have been working so far! :^D

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  6. I am just thrilled for you. What wonderful and exciting news. I know that this major accomplishment is both inspiring and bringing hope to your readers! Kudos to you.

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    1. Oh, I hope so... I haven't wanted to really post any updates about it yet because I don't want to jinx it, ya know?

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