Bust out the fanfare and call a parade, I'm working again!! Now, it's not an absolute sure thing. I could collapse under the stress and discover that it's not possible... but right now... oh, things look good! I'm able to control my pain through my medication. No one at work is any the wiser that I have this much going on with me... I got my first paycheck this week. A PAYCHECK!!! It was only a few months ago I was dreaming of having my symptoms managed enough so that I could work, and now... holy cow!!
I didn't think this was possible. I didn't think they had the drugs out there that could take care of my pain and not demolish my mind. They do! I didn't think there was a way to control my nausea without putting me to sleep. There is! I didn't think we could get my migraines to a point where I could work through them. We have! I didn't think there was medication for the neuropathy so that I could be reliable enough to write all day. So far, so good...
I'm pacing myself. I'm taking things slowly and not rushing. I'm being cautious with my body and getting plenty of sleep. Right now all I can do is work and sleep during the weekdays. But that's okay. I get SO much of my life back. I don't have anyone else I need to be awake for during the week, so what does it matter? And as my tolerance for activity builds, who knows??
We still have to battle my autoimmune disease. I need to save up so that I can make it through 4 months of treatment. But holy cow, now I have a way to do that!! I've got 9 months... nine months of training wheels, where I still get my SSDI in case this all suddenly falls apart on me again. I think I'm able to keep my Medicare longer, but who knows with this whole Obamacare...
And I realized today that for the past year, I've been able to shower standing up, and only when I was with migraine or the stomach flu did I resort to sitting in the tub! That's HUGE!! That was things started getting scary for me when I originally got sick---I would get too dizzy in the shower and would risk passing out if I tried to stand. It's been over a decade, and I'm now able to shower like a normal person again!!!
*LOL* Oh, but there is a mountain of debt awaiting me. I'm pretty sure it's about the same price as a house (the whole house, not just the down payment). That is daunting. But thankfully, I have a lawyer in the family who might be able to help me restructure my debt. Oooof... that's a huge problem of success: cleaning up the wreckage of my past!
But now I get to clean up the wreckage of my past! Now I can start to be a responsible citizen again! I need to pace myself in this area too, because trying to do too much too fast can leave me broke. I need to be responsible with my finances, of course. However, now I'm not making a wreck anymore. (So far... training wheels, and we'll see...) I'm a really real adult again! I don't need help. I can accept it if its offered, but I don't need it anymore. I can take care of myself!
At the beginning of this disability I was in so much pain I didn't know how I was going to survive, let alone get back to where I was. There were several times where I almost didn't! That was scary... I was lost, deep in the wilderness of chronic illness. Am I out of the woods? Maybe... signs are pointing to yes...
Thank you everyone for your prayers and support during this time. I'm still nervous about my ability to do this, but I know how proud everyone is of me, and for that... bless you. I've felt so worthless and miserable for so long. It's tears of joy now when I choke up. You believe in me, and that means so much. THANK YOU!!