Today's challenge is: Write about what you think your family, friends, and others think a day in life, a day with Migraine disease is like.Mom: "I think it's lyme disease." Sis [screaming]: "I've got such a headache!! My Dad, Aunt Ge, Step-Mom, Step-Brother: *blink* *blink* "All y'all just don't know."Migraine disease doesn't just run in my family, it moves in and starts rearranging the furniture. I have one cousin who also started to get chronic migraines, but was able to control hers. I have another cousin who has chronic vertigo, controlled only through medication. Then there's me. I like to say that we all hurt and it all sucks and there's no competing... Everyone else says I win.
My migraines were controlled only through a bionic device, then through moving to a higher elevation with less severe barometric pressure swings, and medication, such as Botox, Neurontin, Advil, Toredol, and others. The biggest part of the migraine is no longer the pain, I'm glad to say. My doctors have that under control. It's the mood swings, for which there is no medication, that takes more finesse handling. And if my good rapport at my place of employment is any indication, I'd say I'm doing pretty well in that last department.
I am taking advantage of SSDI's "Trial Work Period," which allows up to 9 months of employment---at any income I can get---and I won't lose me SSDI benefits. I wasn't so brave as to try all 9 months at once. I went for a 2 month contract. I cannot tell you how much better I feel about myself, even though I'm not sure I want to continue past 2 months if offered (telecommuting would have to be on the table). I can't believe everything I forgot about myself, just from being away from the work environment. Here are some observations:
I love working. I always did. I still do. I love the type of work I do. I miss the rhythm and flow of it. I miss making great documentation. I miss wowing a customer. It's a complete delight to be back, and I don't even mind waking up early in the morning! What I do mind is all the pressure and anger that people get involved in, over things that aren't even in the same time zone as life and death... but they get all worked up as if that's the case. Angry, as if that's the case. It blows my mind how different my perspective is. Not just: "That's not worth getting worked up about." but also "Just because you're worked up doesn't mean I have to get worked up." and "You have no right to try to get me worked up about that." But most of all, "I don't have to get worked up to get good work done." So many people are married to their anxiety, as though being anxious about something is a magic shield that wards off bad outcomes. The more I worry, the more that will make things go right! Now, I'm not advocating just a live-in-the-moment attitude. The moment is fickle, and tomorrow takes planning for. But worry, past what is responsible, has no payoff. So don't do it.
I went through a war with my body, wherein I was taken prisoner, and tortured for ten years. You don't walk out of that experience the same person as you were, walking in. So I'm not even sure, sometimes, who I am. But I do know my limits. I can work a short while, then full-time (without telecommuting) is too much. I can finish what I started, but after that, a break. After this blogging event, I need a break, too! lol!
"National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the National Headache Foundation. The Blogger's Challenge is initiated by www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com."