This one ended my marriage. For today's migraine awareness posts, I'm asked: What's the most ridiculous thing ever said to you about Migraines, who said it, and under what circumstances? I was standing in the bedroom, my husband was laying in bed. I asked him if he'd like to get frisky. We hadn't had sex in almost six months. He told me, "I know this sounds irrational... but I'm afraid if I sleep with you, I'll catch your migraines." Um... riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. It was at that moment I realized, "This man is abusing me."
My husband had been wonderfully supportive before we got married, even taking off 3 weeks from work to see me through my early hospital visits. He would ask doctors questions to ensure I got the best care there and at home. He was wonderful. That's part of why I married him. But after he got a ring on my finger, all that changed. He couldn't be bothered to help me with doctors. He'd make me feel guilty for having to go to the ER. There was one point where an ER doctor was threatening to send me 5150 ("a danger to myself or others" - a free pass to the loonie bin) because I was "carrying on too much," when I was screaming from the migraine pain. My husband was sitting next to me doing nothing. I couldn't look at him because the pain was so bad, so I just asked, "[Husband], what are you doing?!?!" I didn't get sent to psych. I did get some medicine. I also got a divorce.
I didn't file for divorce immediately. For one, I wanted to hang in there and see if we could work our problems out. We went to marriage counseling, but he refused to do any of the things we agreed upon in the sessions. It wasn't until December of that same year that his father pulled me aside and said, "I think my son has the same depression I had." I talked to my husband, and he agreed. But he refused to get treatment for it. He refused to cooperate with anything I suggested. Shortly after that comment, "I'm afraid I'll catch your migraines..." I asked him if we was even willing to take part in our marriage. He said no. That's when I filed.
When my lawyer asked me why I was getting a divorce, I told him that line. Lawyers don't shock easily. They've seen every nasty couple fight under the sun---real Jerry Springer stuff. But even he was taken aback by that one. "He said that?" my lawyer asked, unbelieving. I only nodded. "Well, then. Let's get you divorced!"
People can be so mean.
"National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the National Headache Foundation. The Blogger's Challenge is initiated by www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com."